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THE IMPORTANCE OF MOMMY FRIENDS: REMOVE THE MASK OF PERFECTION

I always knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom.  I loved the thought of being able to always have home cooked meals ready for my family, being available to be den mother, and while the kids were at school, being able to get in a little “me time” with fellow mommies.  It just seemed like the perfect situation.  I could have my cake and eat it too.

So, you can imagine how shocked and annoyed I was when I would see a stay at home mom (SAHM) pop up on my social media newsfeed complaining.  Complaining about not taking a shower for days.  Complaining about cold coffee. Complaining about never leaving the house.  And, if I saw one more selfie of a mom in Target with a Starbucks in hand with the caption, “Finally out of the house alone and I am in my happy place”, I was going to scream.

I couldn’t help but wonder, “When did SAHM’s become such prisoners? Victims, even?  If you want to take a shower, do it.  If you want warm coffee, drink it when it’s warm.  If you wanna get out of the house, hire a sitter. Seemed easy enough to me.

But then, it happened.  I became a SAHM.  And I finally got it.  I was forced to eat my words.  I could totally relate every single post I had ever seen on social media regarding the struggles that SAHM’s face.  Especially about getting out of the house and having “me time”.

I know friendships are vital no matter who you are or what stage of life you are in.  I also understand that some people are meant to be your friend for a season and some, a lifetime. The point is, friends are there to lend you support.  To be someone that you can relate to, confide in and build memories with.

Becoming a mother was the craziest, rewarding, most confusing thing I have ever gone through.  To be able to connect with other human beings who have been there and done that, who understand exactly where you are coming from, is so important for a healthy mindset.

Our thoughts…our mindsets are powerful.  They directly dictate our lives. What we think isn’t always true but it will always impact our actions.  Before I joined a mommy and me class, I didn’t have many mommy friends because 1. I had just moved to a new city and 2.I was the first of my friends to have a child.  So, it was easy for me to let my mind go to a lonely, no one gets me state.

I remember going to the first mommy and me class thinking I would make new mom friends but I actually left discouraged.  I felt somewhat alone. Everyone else’s child was dressed perfectly.  It seemed that everyone else’s child was sleeping through the night.  It seemed like everyone else’s child was eating the perfect, healthy diet.  And mine, wasn’t.

I couldn’t relate to these women and started to think perhaps, I was doing motherhood wrong.  But then, week 5 happened.  I will always remember week 5.  Moms were coming in late.  Kids had chunks of banana in their hair.  And we started to open up about the “real” version of mommyhood.

It was then, we all removed the veneer of perfect.  It was then, I started to connect and relate to these moms.  And they were able to relate to me.

From that point on, I have made some amazing friends.  And I feel they are friends that I will have for a lifetime. As our children grow up together, we will also grow together, as moms.

I no longer felt alone or like I am doing motherhood wrong.  I was able to accept and believe that I was doing it just right.  Right for my child and her needs and right for my own.

No matter what stage of life you are in or what you are going through, if it’s hard for you…then it’s hard for you.  And being a SAHM, is hard.  Heck, being a mom is hard no matter the situation.

Having a support system like my mommy friends helped me realize that my version of mommyhood, is valid.  I am so glad we removed our masks and revealed our realnesses.  We bonded over those realnesses.  That taught me to always live my truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.  That deep down, we are all just doing our best.  And, if you think about it, isn’t that what life is all about?

xo, Sarah

Life Coach for Moms

@sarahjordancpc

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